Dark-O-Late Ltd was
started in 2012 by a retired British government worker who wanted to fulfil his
dream - share his grandmother’s delicious dark chocolate recipe with the world!
The heavenly dessert with
a trademark bitter aftertaste and numerous health benefits, dark chocolate has
found its way into the palates and hearts of millions. But at Dark-O-Late, we
go that extra mile by infusing our chocolate bars with more than just sugar,
butter and affordable labour.
The Base Ingredients
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| Our cocoa workers aim to please |
We start with pure dark
chocolate, made from the finest Ghanaian cocoa beans. Many other companies
these days opt for ‘fair-trade’ chocolate made by workers who are paid a higher
wage. We set ourselves apart by not participating in this scheme, since we
believe in quality and trust that the free market will adequately reward these
workers if their chocolate is delicious!
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| Our bees aim to please |
Then we add our healthy
sweetener - honey. While pesticides are being publically blamed for the recent
'mass extinction event’ of honeybees, you will be pleased to hear that this decrease in their population is actually due to our collection
efforts. We have captured and nurtured honeybees in our loving Level 3
industrial treatment facilities for years, all to serve you, the ardent
chocolate-lover.
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| Our mercenaries have perfect aim |
Finally, this rich base is
seasoned with a bounty of mixed nuts - cashews, macadamia, almonds, brazil nuts
and walnuts all make the cut! These ingredients are sourced using the same
standards as our cocoa, with workers lovingly watched over by our
‘fun-mercenary’ (funcenary) teams.
Once these ingredients are
mixed together in just the right
quantities (our secret!) and hardened, our trademark chocolate bars are made!
Oh but hang on…
Where are our manners?
We’ve left out the most exciting part of our recipe! One more special
ingredient is added before the hardening process, giving our bars an
irresistible edge.
SF-8999
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| Our version of 'Green Energy'! |
Our founder wanted to add
even more to the experience of tasting his secret family recipe. He managed to
synthesize a wonderful and safe new additive that gives our bars that extra
zing! By adding a mere 100ml of SF-8999 (nicknamed SUPER FUN 8999 by our lovely
cooks) to each large batch, our chocolate bars possess the following qualities:
- A caffeine-like boost without the addictiveness
- Positive mood-altering effects
Some media sources have also
affectionately nicknamed this chemical the ‘mind-control drug’. Hilariously,
one newspaper even stated that the actions of those who consume the chemical
can be controlled by an outside source with specific radio signal frequencies. How
funny is that?
By coincidence, some
people who have eaten our chocolate bars have gone on to attack the offices of our
competitors, left-leaning politicians and ex-employees who have attempted to
slander our good name. We assure you that the only ‘control’ we could possibly
exert over you comes from brand loyalty!
In fact, we argue that those
unfortunate events were carried out by normal customers who weren't brainwashed, but loved our chocolate bars SO
MUCH that they simply had to attack our opponents. We do not condone such
behaviour, but we do encourage you to buy our bars!
Special Offer: For every
chocolate bar that is purchased, 10 pence will be donated to the Chamber of
Commerce in a country of your choosing.
Order our chocolate now!
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